Why many of us remain members of and continue to attend the Anglican Church is a question we are often asked as gay men and lesbians. Why do we stay when the church has caused us such pain? How can we continue to associate with an organisation that is ambivalent about our belonging? Most of us were active and committed in our parishes before coming to a full awareness of our sexual orientation. This "coming out" can often provoke a personal crisis and a rethinking, as it is difficult to come to terms with being gay or lesbian in a homophobic society. We should be able to come to our church for love and support, but too often we meet with criticism, condemnation and rejection.
So why do we stay? It's not just that we have a taste for good liturgy. Many of us have been Anglican from the cradle. The church has been our home and the centre of our faith. Many love the Anglican prayer books; we need the sacraments and we need fellowship.
There are many reasons for staying, some directly related to an understanding of the Gospel. We believe in God and we believe in God's all-sufficient grace. In our baptisms we were made full members of the Body of Christ. God, who created us in the womb, knew us then and declared us acceptable. No one has the right to deny us our full inheritance as children of God or to make our membership provisional.
The church is made up of many parts, but we are all one body. And that body, being the Body of Christ, is only weakened by divisions. Being rejected ourselves should not cause us to reject others. Rather, Jesus asked his followers to love those who hate them. In the community of Jesus, women and men of differing backgrounds come together, bearing witness that in the unity of Christ, all are free to find their unique identity. We believe that a church which excludes gay people lacks the full richness which God intended for it. We are determined that the church should not become a place of exclusion and rejection.
We are committed to creating an environment in which other gays, lesbians and bisexuals, together with all Christians, can discover the riches of Christian spirituality and faith without fear. It has been said that as long as we have a gospel of exclusion, we have no gospel at all.
Many of us intend to stay, expecting the members of the Church to live up to the belief in Christ's teaching of mutual acceptance, so that the church and all people may be saved through Christ.
If we were to leave the church and not speak out, we would promote hypocrisy and dishonesty within ourselves and within the church. Like all Christians, those among us who are lesbian or gay are called to express and celebrate who we are in the fullness of our beings -- spiritually and sexually. If we return to the "closet", we are lying about who and what we are. If the church asks us to sin in this way, it undermines the message it voices on Sunday morning. By remaining silent, we allow the church to accept our gifts and our ministries, without extending to us the ministry of hospitality. It is this same inability to extend hospitality which was responsible for the destruction of Sodom and Gomorrah.
Besides, to whom else should we go? Many of us are convinced that the "ghetto" is not the whole answer for lesbigay people. As long as we are unknown strangers, it will be easy for governments and others to deny us human rights. As long as we only live separately, we will fear for our safety. It is important for lesbigay people to also be at home in mainstream society. The church is one of the places where the whole diversity of human communities should be able to intersect and celebrate in mutual respect and understanding.
If one truly ceases to believe, then leaving is the honest thing to do. But what of those who, while retaining their Christian faith, simply find believing within unwelcoming fellowships too fraught with tension? Most often they drift away because the church has never addressed their real humanity. It does not make sense. There are many gay and lesbian Christians -- yes, REAL Christians, fully committed to Christ -- who have been so hurt by their churches that they leave. Christ continues to be a real part of their lives, but fellowship with other Christians is often limited. We all need fellowship, and we prefer regular fellowship within the church setting.
Another option would be to go to gay-positive churches. Within a different organisation, we may find our gifts used and celebrated. People could congratulate us on our anniversaries and encourage our attempts to be honest about our lives and our relationships. Some of the more welcoming places for lesbigay Christians are Metropolitan Community Church (MCC), some United Church congregations, Integrity (Anglican) and Dignity (Roman Catholic).
Our determined choice, however, is not to isolate ourselves, but to work to gain acceptance within our original family, the Anglican fellowship. We pray and work and wait for the Anglican Church of Canada to make this possible.
